Bruised but not broken

Life isn’t perfect, I’m sure you already knew that from the first time you couldn’t get what you want in life or the first time someone ever broke your heart. And for me, life isn’t a bed of roses, it’s a bed of nails, because many times I feel like it kicked me in the butt. I had really tough phases in life, I have fallen a whole lot, been in a deep shit and all that. Been ditched, dumped, wasted, unwanted, betrayed, kicked out, rejected, left alone, unsupported, homeless. But I really thank God for all those moments, because if not for them, I wouldn’t be able to see how much I have actually grown from my life experiences.

Many friends said that they thought I was one of the few who could handle all of it pretty ok .. The truth is, believe me, there were many many moments when I’m not ok!! Ask my closest friends who saw me yelling and throwing my cellphone to the wall, saw me blaming my shoes and took them off after the 10th shots of tequila because I believe it’s their fault that I had problem walking straight, saw me sitting on the club’s floor looked more like a homeless than a Goddess I was just few hours ago.

I’m sure it must have been horrible for friends who care about me to watch me go on like that and not be able to do anything about it. I was really scared and confused, I felt alone even when I was around a lot of people. I took on a challenge of being a single mother, struggle to juggle that with work and social life, struggle to make money, struggle to be with someone who emotionally sucked me dry and next had my own family turn their back on me, left me all alone on those wild rides. I was always sad, always angry, but I couldn’t find a solution because I couldn’t even pinpoint what exactly was wrong. It was unexplained aches and pains.

I learned a lot from those moments. I learned that letting go of the hate, the pain, the sadness and the plans for revenge is the hardest thing to do in one’s life. But the past is the past, it’s done and it can’t be reversed. What does not kill you makes you stronger, right?

Little by little, things got better. I’m now fine most of the time.

I know I probably sound dramatic to some of you, but I’m sure each of you have your own issues and demons to battle and your own drama in life. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining for all those moments, because flying close to the ground, for me, is a good start and it helps me discover that I am stronger than I ever thought I was.

Despite of all the mad drama and the bullshit, there’s nothing about my life that I would change, and no, I would not have my life any other way. I love my life, the good, the bad, everything else beyond that and in between. And because I believe that after the rain, there’s always sunshine